In Memory of My Smiling Papa

I can't help but think that on Friday morning the world became a little darker when my Papa 89-year-old went home to Heaven.  My Papa, Harlan Selvey, had been a pastor since 1948.  After pastoring 9 churches, he "retired".  What this meant was that rather than having just one church under his care, he served as an interim pastor in churches that were in need of a temporary pastor until a permanent one was found.  During his "retirement", he and my grandma, Shirley, would drive sometimes over two hours to minister to a church body.  He was always meeting with people in the hospital or in their homes to pray for their needs.  He was still teaching the Bible late into last year.  I always thought of Hebrews 12:1b-3 when I thought of my Papa's dedication to share Jesus' free gift of salvation with everyone:

...And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith.  Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne.  Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up.

As he touched many people's lives, there are a few special things that will leave a lasting impression on my life.  The first thing is the way he was always slow to speak.  He was the best listener I have ever encountered.  And whenever I asked him for advice, I knew he had thought considerably and prayed before he answered.  One family member said of him, "I never heard him say an unkind word about anyone."

Another thing I will always remember is the smile he would get when he taught or talked about the love and grace of God.  It was so genuine and filled with joy.  His countless hours of study of God's word and prayer to his Father gave him such a great understanding of the character of God, he could not help but exude the light of Jesus' love.  Just like Romans 15:13 in the Amplified Bible says:

May the God of your hope so fill you with all joy and peace in believing [through the experience of your faith] that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound and be overflowing (bubbling over) with hope.

Lastly, I will always be inspired by his love for my grandma.  They were married almost 63 years.  They were known around Hollister for their frequent walks to breakfast at McDonalds.  Anytime they were seen, they were holding hands.  This was the way they lived.  Always showing each other love and respect, and stealing kisses any chance they got.  

I am glad my Papa is not suffering with cancer any longer.  I am glad he is in Heaven with the one he so faithfully served, but I will truly miss him!  His life will continue to be an inspiration to me to listen, speak thoughtfully with kindness, serve others, spend time in prayer, share the love of Jesus, be joyful, and never be too busy to show affection to my spouse.  I hope my memories of him may inspire some of you as well!

Lavish Grace

I don't think that I am alone when I say that in the midst of parenting I sometimes catch myself parroting my own mother.  It just comes so naturally to do and say the things I grew up with, the things that are so familiar and understood.  On the flip side, it is difficult for me to parent in ways that are unfamiliar and hard to understand.

I recently finished reading She's Gonna Blow by Julie Ann Barnhill.  In it she gave an exhortation to lavish grace on our children.  To paint a picture of her idea of lavish, she told a story about her grandmother covering a cake with loads and loads of frosting.  I too have one of these grandmothers whose fluffy chocolate frosting always almost equals the thickness of the light angle food cake below, so I readily latched on to the word lavish.  Yes!  I want to do this!  I want to coat, bury, envelope my kids with grace.  After all, that is what my Heavenly Father has done for me.

But here is where it gets difficult.  Grace is unmerited favor.  It is God's gift that He gives even when, especially when, I don't deserve it.  And, frankly, this is something that is so hard for me to understand.  Throughout school and work I excelled in our performance-based society.  I like to work hard and enjoy the benefits that "I deserve".  I even went through a period in my teens and early twenties where I hard-heartedly was a proponent of everyone "getting what they deserve".  In my human mind it just made sense.  And lately I have realized that while I have grown in my ability to extend grace to others, I still have trouble accepting God's grace towards me.  When I had a day of failures this week, and then my son got sick I started to pray that he would recover soon and that the rest of the family would not get his illness.  Then I stopped in the middle of the prayer and thought, "no, I deserve for the whole family to get sick."  I know I am not the only one who thinks this way because whole religions are based on the concept of atoning for one's own sins.

About God's grace the Bible says,

But God is so rich in mercy, and He loved us so much, that even though we were dead because of our sins, He gave us life when He raised Christ from the dead. (It is only by God’s grace that you have been saved!).  For He raised us from the dead along with Christ and seated us with Him in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ Jesus. So God can point to us in all future ages as examples of the incredible wealth of His grace and kindness toward us, as shown in all He has done for us who are united with Christ Jesus.  God saved you by his grace when you believed. And you can’t take credit for this; it is a gift from God. Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it.  

Ephesians 2:4-9

I want it to be my daily prayer to have a deeper understanding and acceptance of my Heavenly Father's rich and unending grace.  For I know the more that I do, the more I will be able to lavish grace on my own beloved children!

Missing My Mommy

On Sunday I had some tearful moments.  I was thinking about how next Sunday will be Mother's Day and how I cannot share it with my mother.  In my adult life I enjoyed taking her out for brunch on Mother's Day.  Then when I became a mom, she insisted on taking me out and lavishing me with gifts to celebrate "the great mother" that I was to her grandchildren.  That is just the kind of woman she was.  She was so giving and loving - my best friend.

When Jesus finally took her home to heaven after her two-year battle with pancreatic cancer, I was so happy that her suffering was finally over.  I knew that she now had a new and perfect body and that she was doing what made her happiest: singing worship songs to Jesus.  Only now she was actually face to face with her loving Savior!  Now, as Mother's Day approaches this continues to bring me comfort and I am also reminded of some miracles that have taken place since her passing.

My husband and I have such a burden for our family and friends who do not know Jesus.  We long for them to have the peace and joy that only He can bring. We want to spend eternity in heaven with them.  As hard as it is, we have often prayed that at any cost, we would like to see these loved ones come to have faith in Jesus.  Through my mom's illness and in her passing, we know of one stranger and two family members who accepted Jesus as their savior.  Our "at any cost" mindset was tested and I can tell you that I still feel that way.  It is where people spend eternity that matters; not how long they remain here on earth!

After nearly two years with my mom gone, my dad realized how much he missed laughter in the house.  He decided to join an Internet dating site (which if you know my dad, this alone is an act of God).  Within a week he met a woman and they married sixteen days later.  I thought he was crazy!  Now, one year later, I see that he was not crazy.  This was the plan God had for him.  My new step-mom is such a blessing!  She accepted my family with open arms and my children LOVE their new grandma!  In addition, my dad had a medical emergency at home one day, and I believe that if it wasn't for her being there with him, he would have died too.

So, I am approaching this Mother's Day both with tears and rejoicing.  I am grateful for the mother who loved me so dearly, I rejoice for those saved by her testimony, and I thank God for the step-mom He has blessed my family with.  But for my own loss, I also cry.

For everything there is a season,

    a time for every activity under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die.

    A time to plant and a time to harvest.

A time to kill and a time to heal.

    A time to tear down and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.

    A time to grieve and a time to dance.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

Adoption: From Pain to Jubulation

I had an epiphany this week.  The past two years have been hard and sometimes very painful.  When I heard the word "adoption" I equated it with hardship.  When our new addition entered our lives we had no concept  of the legal battles, the financial issues, and the sick feeling we would experience when we were again and again presented with the fact that this wonderful child could be taken from our lives.  What I realized this week was that these were the birth pains for our third child.  They definitely took a different form than those I experience during the two natural child births I had, but believe me, I screamed just the same!

As we approached the finalization date of the adoption I was so excited, just like I had been as I approached my due dates.  I could not wait to be an actual permanent family.  To hold my son in my arms and know that he would always remain with us and we could love and nurture him in our home.  To know that his siblings would never have to experience having him removed to go live with strangers.  I was so excited; it felt unreal!

Then it happened!  We gathered with family and friends at the court house, swore and oath, signed some papers and the adoption was finalized!  Just like giving birth, I felt the release of stress, I felt elated, and I cried tears of joy.  Suddenly all the pain was worth it and even welcomed because of the blessing it brought.

Adoption is so beautiful!  Why?  Because it is the picture God chose to identify us as believers in Him.  We are adopted into His family and we are His heirs.  He is our "Abba, Father".  He too went through the 'birth pains' when He sacrificed His Son as our ransom.  And I am blown away that He loves each of us so much that He too knows the pain was worth it!

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. This is what He wanted to do, and it gave Him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace He has poured out on us who belong to His dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that He purchased our freedom with the blood of His Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.

Ephesians 1:3-8

Transparency

To my dismay, my daughter has decided she loves the band Superchick.  Their bublegum-pop sound is just too much for me.  The chirpy chorus "Cuz we've been down to the bottom, stories we've got em" rang out from the stereo and my husband commented sarcastically, "Yeah, I'm sure THEY'VE been down to the bottom".  In the past I would have quickly agreed with him, but in that instant I actually bristled and replied, "Maybe they have."  

You see, what I have learned over the past two years are that there is always a lot more going on in people's lives than we can ever guess.  I just spent the past year cringing every time someone would complement our family.  From the outside we apparently looked like we had it all together, but as I wrote in the post "Behind the Tattoo", I was losing my struggle with anger.  I had let it take roots so deep in my heart that I believed the lies of Satan more than the words of God that I had trusted in for so long.  There were times when I didn't just question my salvation, but I was entirely sure that I was not saved.  I thought I was destined for hell and I took some sick comfort in the promise of the coming punishment.

Of course God is faithful and He never left my side.  Through that dark time I learned so much about His abounding love, grace, and mercy.  I also learned the importance of not judging others.  I had always believed that we shouldn't judge the sin in other's lives because we are all sinners, but I had a bad habit of judging the perfection I saw in other's lives.  I would compare myself and envy other's "perfect" lives.  Once I became more vocal and open about my own struggles, people began to share their hardships too.  Some were so shocking because there was no outward indication that any of this was going on.  In my honesty I found such freedom!  As others opened up relationships became deeper and more authentic.  This is what God calls us to do.  We are to bear one another's burdens (Galatians 6:2).  We are to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice (Romans 12:15).  When you are open with others people can pray for your real needs and then you can rejoice together as you watch God work.  Satan, the Father of Lies, wants us to withdraw and put up a front.  Why?  Because he is like a lion seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8).  Don't let it be you!  If you are going through something hard, gnarly, or even repulsive, find a trusted friend and be transparent with them.  It may be incredibly uncomfortable at first, but I am confident that ultimately you will be glad you did.

This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all. So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth. But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, cleanses us from all sin.  If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. 

1 John 1:5-9

You've Been Pushed Aside From an Oncoming Bus. Now What Do You Do?

Mutilated, unrecognizable, and dead.  That was what had become of a doctor on a TV drama after he pushed a female stranger out of the way of an oncoming bus.  The stranger was so brokenhearted.  This man she did not know saved her life.  She felt like he was her knight in shining armor and that she loved him.  Now he was gone and she could not accept his death.  She felt terribly grieved and guilty.  She sat and cried day after day on a bench outside the hospital where he had worked and died.  Finally one of the doctor's friends exhorted her, telling her that while he was dead, she was alive due to his valiant act.  She should not waste her days crying and grieving. Instead she should enjoy the life that he had made possible for her.

Watching this, I could not help but think about the parallel between this scene and what Jesus has done for us.  Before we knew of Him, before we were even born, Jesus sacrificed Himself for us.  He was brutally beaten, almost to death.  Then He willingly hung on the cross and accepted the punishment for all of our sins.  He did this out of love so that we could have eternal life with Him.

The girl on the TV show couldn't sleep.  Her savior's heroic action and tragic death were all she could think about.  How does Jesus' act of love make you feel?  Do you feel thankful?  Indebted?  Grieved?  Guilty?  Unworthy? Disbelieving?  Indifferent?

This may be something that you have never thought about, or not thought about in a long time.  With Easter approaching, I think it is a good time to ask ourselves what Jesus' sacrifice means to us, personally.  How does it really make you feel?  Then, I think it is important to read the Bible and understand how God intends us to see His Son's sacrifice.  Here are a few verses to get you started:

"Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us.  Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory." 

Romans 5:1-2

"So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God."

Romans 5:11

^"We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin." 

Romans 6:6-7

"Let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water."

Hebrews 10:22

^"If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

Romans 10:9

So, if you have indeed confessed Jesus as your Savior there is no need to look at the cross and feel guilt, shame, or sadness.  May you look upon His death and resurrection with joy, peace, and thankfulness this Easter!

Broken Chains

Things were good: I was loving my tattoo, loving that so many people were reading my blog post about the tattoo, and I was hopeful that all this was somehow going to inspire someone to trust more in Jesus.  Things were good.  Things WERE good.  Then it happened.  Health problems returned, children became obstinate, my husband was working long hours, and my emotions started taking control.  Things were not going my way and I started to become irritated and angry once again.  WAIT!  This wasn't supposed to happen.  I mean I have the tattoo to prove things would be different, right?!

So who was to blame?  I wrote last time how Jesus had cleansed me with His blood.  Did he miss a spot?  Of course not.  It was me.  I am the one who after laying down my will at Jesus' feet, went and grabbed it back with the passion of a possessive two-year-old.  So after some very hard days, I sat in church this morning feeling defeated.  I felt the chains of my sinful selfishness coiled tightly around my body making it difficult to breathe.  Where was that hope and joy I had professed just a week ago?

Suddenly the band's worship song lyrics penetrated deep into my heart:

There is power in the name of Jesus

To break every chain

Break every chain

Break every chain

I had failed, but Jesus remains strong and powerful.  The song continued:

All sufficient sacrifice

So freely given

Such a price

Bought our redemption

Heaven's gates swing wide

It doesn't matter that I acted unworthy.  Jesus is the "all sufficient sacrifice" and the gift of forgiveness and salvation is "freely given".  I went from reading the words to belting them out with all that was within me (for those of you who know me, you know that must have been unpleasant for those around me).  I felt the chains of sin fall away.  I felt the hope and joy return.  I felt God's loving embrace and forgiveness.  It felt so good!

So as Easter approaches I am even more aware and thankful for the redemption purchased by Jesus' death on the cross.  And I know that even when I fail, it is by the power that raised Jesus from the dead that I will be rescued and continually transformed.  I pray that you will allow Jesus to break any chains that bind you and that you will experience FREEDOM!

Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness, and broke away their chains.  

Psalm 107:13-14

song by Jesus Culture