Adoption: From Pain to Jubulation

I had an epiphany this week.  The past two years have been hard and sometimes very painful.  When I heard the word "adoption" I equated it with hardship.  When our new addition entered our lives we had no concept  of the legal battles, the financial issues, and the sick feeling we would experience when we were again and again presented with the fact that this wonderful child could be taken from our lives.  What I realized this week was that these were the birth pains for our third child.  They definitely took a different form than those I experience during the two natural child births I had, but believe me, I screamed just the same!

As we approached the finalization date of the adoption I was so excited, just like I had been as I approached my due dates.  I could not wait to be an actual permanent family.  To hold my son in my arms and know that he would always remain with us and we could love and nurture him in our home.  To know that his siblings would never have to experience having him removed to go live with strangers.  I was so excited; it felt unreal!

Then it happened!  We gathered with family and friends at the court house, swore and oath, signed some papers and the adoption was finalized!  Just like giving birth, I felt the release of stress, I felt elated, and I cried tears of joy.  Suddenly all the pain was worth it and even welcomed because of the blessing it brought.

Adoption is so beautiful!  Why?  Because it is the picture God chose to identify us as believers in Him.  We are adopted into His family and we are His heirs.  He is our "Abba, Father".  He too went through the 'birth pains' when He sacrificed His Son as our ransom.  And I am blown away that He loves each of us so much that He too knows the pain was worth it!

All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms because we are united with Christ. Even before He made the world, God loved us and chose us in Christ to be holy and without fault in His eyes. God decided in advance to adopt us into His own family by bringing us to Himself through Jesus Christ. This is what He wanted to do, and it gave Him great pleasure. So we praise God for the glorious grace He has poured out on us who belong to His dear Son. He is so rich in kindness and grace that He purchased our freedom with the blood of His Son and forgave our sins. He has showered his kindness on us, along with all wisdom and understanding.

Ephesians 1:3-8

Transparency

To my dismay, my daughter has decided she loves the band Superchick.  Their bublegum-pop sound is just too much for me.  The chirpy chorus "Cuz we've been down to the bottom, stories we've got em" rang out from the stereo and my husband commented sarcastically, "Yeah, I'm sure THEY'VE been down to the bottom".  In the past I would have quickly agreed with him, but in that instant I actually bristled and replied, "Maybe they have."  

You see, what I have learned over the past two years are that there is always a lot more going on in people's lives than we can ever guess.  I just spent the past year cringing every time someone would complement our family.  From the outside we apparently looked like we had it all together, but as I wrote in the post "Behind the Tattoo", I was losing my struggle with anger.  I had let it take roots so deep in my heart that I believed the lies of Satan more than the words of God that I had trusted in for so long.  There were times when I didn't just question my salvation, but I was entirely sure that I was not saved.  I thought I was destined for hell and I took some sick comfort in the promise of the coming punishment.

Of course God is faithful and He never left my side.  Through that dark time I learned so much about His abounding love, grace, and mercy.  I also learned the importance of not judging others.  I had always believed that we shouldn't judge the sin in other's lives because we are all sinners, but I had a bad habit of judging the perfection I saw in other's lives.  I would compare myself and envy other's "perfect" lives.  Once I became more vocal and open about my own struggles, people began to share their hardships too.  Some were so shocking because there was no outward indication that any of this was going on.  In my honesty I found such freedom!  As others opened up relationships became deeper and more authentic.  This is what God calls us to do.  We are to bear one another's burdens (Galatians 6:2).  We are to weep with those who weep and rejoice with those who rejoice (Romans 12:15).  When you are open with others people can pray for your real needs and then you can rejoice together as you watch God work.  Satan, the Father of Lies, wants us to withdraw and put up a front.  Why?  Because he is like a lion seeking whom he may devour (1 Peter 5:8).  Don't let it be you!  If you are going through something hard, gnarly, or even repulsive, find a trusted friend and be transparent with them.  It may be incredibly uncomfortable at first, but I am confident that ultimately you will be glad you did.

This is the message we heard from Jesus and now declare to you: God is light, and there is no darkness in him at all. So we are lying if we say we have fellowship with God but go on living in spiritual darkness; we are not practicing the truth. But if we are living in the light, as God is in the light, then we have fellowship with each other, and the blood of Jesus, His Son, cleanses us from all sin.  If we claim we have no sin, we are only fooling ourselves and not living in the truth. But if we confess our sins to Him, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. 

1 John 1:5-9

You've Been Pushed Aside From an Oncoming Bus. Now What Do You Do?

Mutilated, unrecognizable, and dead.  That was what had become of a doctor on a TV drama after he pushed a female stranger out of the way of an oncoming bus.  The stranger was so brokenhearted.  This man she did not know saved her life.  She felt like he was her knight in shining armor and that she loved him.  Now he was gone and she could not accept his death.  She felt terribly grieved and guilty.  She sat and cried day after day on a bench outside the hospital where he had worked and died.  Finally one of the doctor's friends exhorted her, telling her that while he was dead, she was alive due to his valiant act.  She should not waste her days crying and grieving. Instead she should enjoy the life that he had made possible for her.

Watching this, I could not help but think about the parallel between this scene and what Jesus has done for us.  Before we knew of Him, before we were even born, Jesus sacrificed Himself for us.  He was brutally beaten, almost to death.  Then He willingly hung on the cross and accepted the punishment for all of our sins.  He did this out of love so that we could have eternal life with Him.

The girl on the TV show couldn't sleep.  Her savior's heroic action and tragic death were all she could think about.  How does Jesus' act of love make you feel?  Do you feel thankful?  Indebted?  Grieved?  Guilty?  Unworthy? Disbelieving?  Indifferent?

This may be something that you have never thought about, or not thought about in a long time.  With Easter approaching, I think it is a good time to ask ourselves what Jesus' sacrifice means to us, personally.  How does it really make you feel?  Then, I think it is important to read the Bible and understand how God intends us to see His Son's sacrifice.  Here are a few verses to get you started:

"Therefore, since we have been made right in God’s sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us.  Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God’s glory." 

Romans 5:1-2

"So now we can rejoice in our wonderful new relationship with God because our Lord Jesus Christ has made us friends of God."

Romans 5:11

^"We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin." 

Romans 6:6-7

"Let us go right into the presence of God with sincere hearts fully trusting him. For our guilty consciences have been sprinkled with Christ’s blood to make us clean, and our bodies have been washed with pure water."

Hebrews 10:22

^"If you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved."

Romans 10:9

So, if you have indeed confessed Jesus as your Savior there is no need to look at the cross and feel guilt, shame, or sadness.  May you look upon His death and resurrection with joy, peace, and thankfulness this Easter!

Broken Chains

Things were good: I was loving my tattoo, loving that so many people were reading my blog post about the tattoo, and I was hopeful that all this was somehow going to inspire someone to trust more in Jesus.  Things were good.  Things WERE good.  Then it happened.  Health problems returned, children became obstinate, my husband was working long hours, and my emotions started taking control.  Things were not going my way and I started to become irritated and angry once again.  WAIT!  This wasn't supposed to happen.  I mean I have the tattoo to prove things would be different, right?!

So who was to blame?  I wrote last time how Jesus had cleansed me with His blood.  Did he miss a spot?  Of course not.  It was me.  I am the one who after laying down my will at Jesus' feet, went and grabbed it back with the passion of a possessive two-year-old.  So after some very hard days, I sat in church this morning feeling defeated.  I felt the chains of my sinful selfishness coiled tightly around my body making it difficult to breathe.  Where was that hope and joy I had professed just a week ago?

Suddenly the band's worship song lyrics penetrated deep into my heart:

There is power in the name of Jesus

To break every chain

Break every chain

Break every chain

I had failed, but Jesus remains strong and powerful.  The song continued:

All sufficient sacrifice

So freely given

Such a price

Bought our redemption

Heaven's gates swing wide

It doesn't matter that I acted unworthy.  Jesus is the "all sufficient sacrifice" and the gift of forgiveness and salvation is "freely given".  I went from reading the words to belting them out with all that was within me (for those of you who know me, you know that must have been unpleasant for those around me).  I felt the chains of sin fall away.  I felt the hope and joy return.  I felt God's loving embrace and forgiveness.  It felt so good!

So as Easter approaches I am even more aware and thankful for the redemption purchased by Jesus' death on the cross.  And I know that even when I fail, it is by the power that raised Jesus from the dead that I will be rescued and continually transformed.  I pray that you will allow Jesus to break any chains that bind you and that you will experience FREEDOM!

Then they cried to the Lord in their trouble, and he saved them from their distress. He brought them out of darkness, the utter darkness, and broke away their chains.  

Psalm 107:13-14

song by Jesus Culture

Behind the Tattoo

On Saturday I got my first tattoo.  This tattoo has a great deal of significance to me and I wanted to share it with you.

When my mom was diagnosed suddenly with stage four pancreatic cancer I felt the ground beneath me disintegrating.  Other than my husband, she was my best friend and the best mother anyone could ask for.  She beat the odds and fought the cancer for two excruciating years.  Images of her body wasting away still plague me to this day.  Without my faith in Jesus I could have not gotten through this time.  Philippians 4:6-7 says "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God;  and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." For the first time in my life I experience this 'peace which surpasses all understanding'.  For this I will forever be grateful to God!

About a year after my mom went to be with her Savior in Heaven, a cancer started to grow in me.  My cancer however had no medical diagnosis: it was the cancer of sin.  I became so wrapped up in my expectations for my life, I would experience intense anger when things did not go my way.  I felt like I was truly having a psychological break.  It affected my family and all those around me.  I was certainly not living a life centered on Jesus and His will for my life.

It has taken a lot of time, prayer, counsel, and patience from loved ones, but I feel like I have finally been able to give over my expectations and anger to the Lord.  For the first time in a long time I have hope and joy again.  1 Peter 1:3-4 captures how I feel: ^"All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. It is by His great mercy that we have been born again, because God raised Jesus Christ from the dead. Now we live with great expectation, and we have a priceless inheritance—an inheritance that is kept in heaven for you, pure and undefiled, beyond the reach of change and decay."

1 Peter also reminds us that even though we face trials here on earth, when we put our faith in Jesus as our Savior we will have the reward of salvation and eternal life.  It also exhorts us to live a holy life of loving others, being cleansed from our sins by Christ's blood on the cross.  This reminds me never to let the cancer of selfishness control my heart again.  I have been reborn (as represented by the plumerias in the tattoo) and with my trust in Jesus I can live a life filled with "glorious, inexpressible joy"!

To read all of 1 Peter 1 click here:
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Peter+1&version=NLT

"Blah, Blah, Blah" - God

Imagine the God of the universe coming down from Heaven and standing visibly in front of you.  He opens His mouth to speak.  Would you freeze so not to make a sound, not wanting to miss a single word?  Or would you tune out His words and think "blah, blah, blah" in your head?  Sounds ridiculous, right?  However I feel like I do something very similar every day.

When I am in need of guidance I listen for God to give me an answer.  I think I felt this most strongly when we were wondering if we should consider adopting our third child.  We had two wonderful children and I hadn't planned on having anymore.  Through fasting and reading the Bible God gave me two scriptures confirming that we should adopt.  Then after we met our youngest, our oldest said, "I love Youngest (of course he used his real name); I want Youngest to come live with us.  I want Youngest to be my brother!"  We had not discussed the adoption with our oldest and I know God was using his words to further confirm that we were doing His will by agreeing to adopt Youngest.

When I don't have a pressing question, however, I find it hard to diligently listen for God's words.  While God speaks to us in many ways, I believe the primary way is through the Bible.  And yet when someone posts a Bible verse on Facebook or in a blog, I often skip over it.  I read what the person wrote, and then essentially, I skip over God's words thinking "yada, yada, yada."  Why do I do this?  One reason is that I think, "Oh, I already know that verse."  Or I'll think, "This isn't my devotion time.  I'll read the Bible later."  Or, "I don't have time to read all this right now, so I'll just read that which I'm primarily interested." 

Lately, however, I have been convicted by this.  God, who made the vast universe, who made each unique person, who sent His Son to suffer and die on the cross for payment for our sins, who loves each of us infinitely more than I will ever understand; THAT God wrote each of us a letter about His love and about His plan for us.  That is AMAZING when you really think about it!

God's timing is perfect and mine is definitely not.  So maybe I should read His words when they are laid out in front of me.  Maybe it is just what God knows I need to hear right then.  Althought He's always here, sometimes God can feel far away. But if I took the time to allow His words to be more a part of my life, I know I would have a richer relationship with Him. 

Maybe this behavior is not common among you.  But if it is, I would encourage you to have a renewed respect and desire for the words of God.  He may just tell you something that will change your perspective, your day...or even your life!

Your word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path.  

Psalm 119:105

A Donkey? Really?

“Eee-aaw! Eee-aaw! You’re a donkey!”  That was the ridicule I faced from one fellow classmate back in grade school.  Oh, how I hated it!  I still remember the feeling of cheeks flushed with anger and embarrassment.  After all what young girl wants to be identified with a barnyard animal, let alone one that is equated with stubbornness.   So it may seem odd to you that I have taken this to be my pseudonym.  But you see, over time I have come to understand that young classmate unknowingly spoke some truth.

In the Bible in Numbers chapter 22, Baalam (a diviner) was summoned by the King of Moab to curse the Israelites.  On his way to Moab an angel of the Lord blocked his path, but Baalam did not see the angel.  The donkey he was riding did see the angel, though, and refused to move forward even after being struck three times by Baalam.  In verse 28 it is written, “Then the Lord opened the mouth of the donkey, and she said to Baalam, ‘What have I done to you, that you have struck me these three times?’”  God enabled an ordinary donkey to speak his rider’s language!  Then, in what I think is the most amusing passage in the entire Bible, Baalam, still not seeing the angel proceeded to argue with the donkey.  Finally verse 31a says, “Then the Lord opened the eyes of Balaam and he saw the angel of the Lord standing in the way, with his drawn sword in his hand.”

So it is with this in mind that I identify with the donkey.  I am just one of God’s many creations that go through the motions of life here on Earth.  But if I’m paying attention and my focus is on the Lord, I see things that are amazing, things that are inspiring, things that I want to share with you!  I do not write this out of arrogance, but humility.  For I know the things of God are visible to anyone who earnestly seeks them.  And I also know that there are so many things I miss because I do not have proper focus.   One reason I am starting this blog is to motivate myself to meditate on God’s Word and diligently look for how it applies to daily life.  In addition, I hope that it will encourage those of you that believe in Jesus and that it will cause those of you who do not believe to take a leap of faith and ask God what He wants to show you.

 

You will seek me and find me, when you seek me with all your heart.   

Jeremiah 29:13